The world belongs to those with teeth

Last May it was my turn to be the discussion leader at the community book group. Since I rather enjoyed Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian (about the search for the historical Dracula), I selected that as the book to be read and discussed.

I wanted to make my presentation as fun and interesting as I found the book to be, so I took a somewhat different approach for the book group and planned a couple of short activities in addition to the usual discussion. I also thought it would be fun to pass out some plastic vampire teeth.

I wasn't sure how many members would be in attendance. Sometimes there are 15 people, sometimes as few as three. The teeth came only in packages of 12, so just to be on the safe side I bought two packages.

On the day of the presentation, I went early to the meeting room, arranged the chairs, set out the various books on vampires that I had collected (including Bram Stoker's Dracula), dimmed the lights (part of the first activity), and arranged the teeth in a tasteful display. Then I waited. And waited. And waited.

Nobody came to my discussion.

I wasn't terribly disappointed, but I was a little concerned: what was I going to do with 24 pairs of plastic vampire teeth?

I've been pondering that question for many weeks now. At first, I had the idea that I would give them to my cats, because wouldn't it be funny to see them with teeth four times larger than usual?

The cats weren't interested, however. They wouldn't even look at the teeth, let alone try them on.

So I thought about it some more and decided that if the cats didn't want the teeth, maybe some of my human associates would. So, if anyone is interested in plastic vampire teeth, let me know and I'll send some to you. I also came up with a few ideas of how you could use them.

First of all, if you have pets, you know how dangerous it is to leave your lunch out in the open, even for a few seconds. A dozen of these teeth sets make a good lunch protector. That's how I plan on using some of the teeth, anyhow:

They can also be used to deal with unsolicited phone calls:

They can be used to indicate when certain items are not available for public consumption:

And a pair comes in handy when you want to scare your child when he or she comes home, like from school or on a vacation:

Finally, the teeth make a handy addition to your current toy collection:

So put some bite in your life and get a pair of plastic vampire teeth.


Gary said...

I could hold Skipper (the cat) down while you inserted the teeth!

Shannon said...

I'm sad no one came to your discussion :( it sounded fun. i would have come.
anyway, I was literally laughing out loud as I read your ideas for plastic teeth. and the pictures were priceless. :)
oh, and I heard rumor of a making-fun-of-twilight party adrien and lindsay want to have and they mentioned wearing plastic teeth. so there you go.

Jared and Megan said...

oh my cheeks hurt.

Jared said...

I still can't decide which one is my favorite... but I think it might be the one with the phone. oh man.